There is NEVER enough time to waste !

Zippy And Stroppy



I am Moanie Cabroney … I whine and moan so much I cant even remember what I am unhappy about.

My best friend is called Freud, because he knows everything and tells me all my flaws and mistakes are really my parents fault. This is really important because I am the clumsiest girl in the world and I keep banging my head in the wall for no reason. It wouldnt be so bad if the wall was dry, but my dog keeps peeing on it. As Freud says, all dogs are exactly like their owners so we often sit in the sofa together and pee a bit for fun.

I know you are all very attracted to me, so here is my dating personality:

Stroppy … like a toddler having a tantrum and refusing to be reasonable. Oh if i cant have all the candy in the store – then youre an asshole and i wont go to school today

Zippy … like someone who is really uptight, easily offended and never up for anything mad. Also used for someone who “zips” up and never spreads her legs

Ok, I do sometimes spread them. But only because its necessary to get things out that have gotten stuck whilst I was in the bar chasing pijas all night. By the way, I can do many magic tricks and my best one is to drink all night and run like hell to avoid the bill. I am also good at shaming people into paying for my taxi.

I am an arab by birth and proud of my roots, even though I cant find them. I try to impress people by telling them a town in Italy is named after me, but its just another one of my cute little lies. Its ok though, because I love to cuddle with strangers, watch Big Brother for days and talk about how much I love myself, my dog and Freud.

I am secretly in LOOOOVE with Eric Northman and Danzig. I want them both to spank me all night … and after Eric can have some true blood if he wants. But if they try anything naughty Mistress Cabroney will come out and look at them in a really stern manner before running away and hiding behind the dog.

If this dating profile has made you all warm inside, dont forget I am more than ordinarily friendly. You need to have a pulse though, I know it is a little bit picky and zippy, but I have mistaken someone for a kilo of butter before in the dark and it gets really messy fast. Here is my ideal man:

He is the prettiest and sexiest thing I have ever seen, but I know only a Goddess could seduce him so I better keep trying for my favorite midget, Suarez! Please send me a message with all your measurements, detailed explanations about all your sexual experiences and photos to prove what you have been up to and maybe if you are lucky you get to pay to take me on a classy date at McDonalds.

Kisses and Hugs, Moanie Cabroney

posted under Dating Expertise
One Comment to

“Zippy And Stroppy”

  1. On June 5th, 2012 at 12:38 pm La Peste Says:

    Do you have a phone number for that sexy man. It was love at first sight when I saw him.

    PS: Please post more pictures of him as I want to post him all over my wall.